🪴 Cami

Friend of Sinners, Not Friend of Sin

4 min read

Original topic is, or was: “How to handle friends that are kind, but serious sinners. Should we part ways?”

The Tension Jesus Navigated

Jesus was nicknamed “friend of sinners”, not “friend of sin.”

When reading 1 Corinthians 15:33: ‘…Bad company corrupts good character’

Is that not a contradiction?

What do you think?

The Matthew dinner party story:

Matthew 9:10-13 (NLT) - “Later, Matthew invited Jesus and his disciples to his home as dinner guests, along with many tax collectors and other disreputable sinners. But when the Pharisees saw this, they asked his disciples, ‘Why does your teacher eat with such scum?’ When Jesus heard this, he said, ‘Healthy people don’t need a doctor—sick people do. Then he added, ‘Now go and learn the meaning of this Scripture: I want you to show mercy, not offer sacrifices. For I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners.’”

What made Jesus safe to be around:

  • He didn’t lecture people first
  • He asked questions and actually listened

Losing Your Saltiness

Jesus called us “salt of the earth” for a reason:

Matthew 5:13-16 (NLT) - “You are the salt of the earth. But what good is salt if it has lost its flavor? Can you make it salty again? It will be thrown out and trampled underfoot as worthless. You are the light of the world—like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.”

(Why Salt? Salt in the ancient time important uses)

  • Preserves - slows down the decay around it
  • Enhances flavor - makes everything better
  • Creates thirst - makes people want more of what you have

But salt can lose its saltiness. Warning signs you’re losing your flavor:

  • You find yourself laughing at things that used to bother you
  • You’ve completely stopped having any spiritual conversations
  • Your non-Christian friends honestly can’t tell the difference between you and anyone else

How to detect Mission vs. Merger (i.e. trying to fit it)

Question: What questions can we ask ourselves to differentiate?

A very big difference:

Mission Mindset:

  • You’re there as Jesus’ representative
  • You maintain your identity while engaging theirs
  • You’re willing to be misunderstood or rejected if necessary
  • You measure success by faithfulness, not acceptance

Merger Mindset:

  • You slowly adapt to fit in better
  • Your goal becomes being liked and accepted
  • You minimize differences to avoid any conflict
  • You seek their approval to feel good about yourself
  • You measure success by how well you blend in

Two Diagnostic Questions

Pastor John Piper has two key questions for determining discernment:

  1. Who’s Transforming Whom?
  2. Are You Loving or Conforming?

Loving:

  • Caring about their wellbeing
  • Being willing to have hard conversations when necessary
  • Being consistent in your values whether they are around or not

Conforming:

  • You make excuses for their choices because you like them
  • You avoid any topics that might create tension

Question: What if the relationship is neutral? No one is really transforming anyone. What do you think?

When Boundaries Are Necessary

Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) - “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”
Proverbs 13:20 (NKJV) - “He who walks with wise men will be wise, But the companion of fools will be destroyed”

Signs you may need some distance:

  • You’re consistently compromising your values to maintain the relationship
  • The relationship is harming your walk with God or your other relationships
  • You’re becoming someone you don’t recognize

The goal is not perfection. The goal is to live so authentically in your faith that people become spiritually thirsty and inspired.

Closing:

Romans 12:1-2 (NLT) - “And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him. Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.”

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